I Will Never Forget......

I am catching up on my blog tonight with the television covering various 9/11 testimonies in the background, it seems like just yesterday I was eating breakfast/studying in the Stangel/Murdough dining hall at TTU before class when a breaking news announcement flashed across the television about the first plane crash and then my phone rang and it was my Mom in a panic saying "oh my goodness, turn on your television.......our nation is under a terrorist attack!" as I continued to watch the breaking news  there was a second plane crash, then a third and finally a fourth. I was experiencing so many different emotions as I watched - shock, anger, devastation, sorrow, helplessness, revenge, heart broken. At that time I was 18 and now 28, it's strange how those feelings that I felt at that time in my life, I still experience with every 9/11 except in an even stronger magnitude than 10 years ago.  Maybe it's because I am older; or I am a mother now; or I grown in my spirituality; or I am a wife......probably a mixture of all of those things and others, however this particular 9/11 hit me harder than any other I've experienced before. I found myself praying at random times throughout the day today - for the families who lost loved ones; to the ones who survived but still have to harbor the memories of that awful day; to the ones injured while trying to get out or going in to help; to the ones who lost their lives; for our Nation; for our leaders; our Armed Forces who fight selflessly on a daily basis for our Freedom. All of the ceremonies were done in a very respectful and beautiful manner; the stories were heart breaking; the images of that day sad; seeing at least for a day all parties putting their political differences aside and standing side by side united was heart warming; the families touching the names, holding pictures of their lost loved one, standing united and strong while holding one another, praying, crying; the memorials were beautiful.....it was all just so emotional for me. While watching and hearing the different news stories, it caused me to reflect on all of the things I am so thankful for and it also caused some pretty strong convictions.

I am so thankful in this last 10 years to have had the opportunity to experience so many wonderful things.....the college life; college graduation; a career I love; marriage; becoming a mother; memories with family and friends. At the same time I do realize that at any moment it might be God's time to send me home. I would love to live my Earthly life in a bubble with the ones I love, so we can stay all unharmed by the outside world and when it was our time to go it just be of natural causes.....wishful thinking.....I KNOW! However, that's not realistic.....is it? As I thought back on 9/11 the thought crossed my mind, what would I have done if I would have been in one of the Twin Towers and had the opportunity to get out alive....would I have ran out as fast as I could only concerned about myself or would I have stopped to help others get out and then continue to keep going back up to help others and sadly I think before really thinking about this scenario today I would have without hesitation selfishly saved myself. Of course most of you can relate, right? The thought of not seeing my child grow up; not growing old with my husband; missing out on the future birth of my soon to be new nephew; not getting to see what my brother and sister become as adults; missing the chance to take care of my parents later in life and for so many other reasons, of course I would have gotten out of there as fast as possible.

But something today caused me to keep asking myself this question all day long.....hmmm I wonder what that something was. Well I can now tell you because after my 4th time of praying about 9/11 today I realized, it was the Holy Spirit and that's when the conviction part of myself revealed itself. During this prayer I finally heard the Holy Spirit loud and clear say "Why would you selfishly run out and save yourself, when you are already saved? There are so many people in that building who need to get out of there for a second chance, to finally commit their lives to Christ so they will have the opportunity like you to be saved for eternity! Why would you not sacrifice yourself like Christ did for you to at least save one person in that building who is not saved instead of yourself!" Wow! Talk about a HUGE slap in the face.

It's still a very hard scenario for me to swallow and typing it out is definitely easier said than done. However, as I type with tears streaming done my face.....today was a huge milestone in my spiritual walk. I hope that God continues to work on my heart and in my life that if I am ever put in a situation where it is between my life and an unsaved life and one has to be sacrificed.....that I will make the unselfish decision, no matter what the circumstances of my life are to save the unsaved, because truth be told at that moment what would I have to lose......my Earthly life, big deal.....the life I have waiting in Heaven is definitely worth the sacrifice. But it still is a huge concept for even this immature Christian to grasp but I hope one day I will be able to say without any hesitation that's exactly what I would do.

I pray for all those affected by 9/11 and that our Nation will never have to experience another terrorist attack again.

God Bless : )